By Lindsay Torgerson on May 11th, 2025 in Divorce
Facing a divorce? Advice will come at you like a firehose — from friends, family, random people on social media, and the neighbor who’s always ready with unsolicited advice. But before you drown in all the noise, here’s a clear, no-nonsense guide on what to actually do — and avoid — to keep your divorce proceedings as peaceful and smooth as possible.
Key Takeaways:
- DO be organized, transparent, and cooperative — know your financials, keep communication respectful, and follow court orders.
- DON’T get emotional on social media or make big financial moves — avoid actions that can backfire and complicate your case.
- DO prioritize your children’s well-being and maintain respectful co-parenting — the court notices when parents put kids first, and it helps keep the process smoother.
Divorce is already complicated — no need to make it worse with avoidable mistakes. What you do (and don’t do) during this time can steer your case toward a smoother, less stressful outcome — or sink it into chaos. From keeping your finances in check to handling co-parenting with care, every move counts. So before you hit “post” on that angry rant or splurge on a new car, take a breath and read on. This guide will help you keep control and get through your divorce with as little drama as possible.
The Do List: Your Divorce Survival Kit
Divorce isn’t a walk in the vineyard, but if you take the right steps, it can be less of a rocky path. Here’s what you should keep in mind:
- Know Your Numbers
Think of your finances as the roots of your case. You need to know where everything stands — your retirement accounts, 401(k)s, pensions, joint bank accounts, debts, and household expenses. This isn’t just about keeping score; it’s about making sure everything is divided fairly and no one is hiding assets like they’re squirreling away vintage wine bottles. It’s also wise to get a current credit report — this helps catch any surprises like hidden debts or unexpected charges.
- Get Your Documents in Order
Tax returns, paycheck stubs, mortgage deeds — get your hands on these and keep them handy. They’re like receipts in a business deal: essential for proving what you earn and own. If you don’t have copies, now is the time to collect them. These documents become the backbone of your negotiations and the court’s decisions.
- Keep a Journal for the Kids
If children are involved, documentation is your best friend. Write down exchanges, pickups, and any issues. This isn’t just about legal protection — it’s about showing that you’re committed to making things easier for your kids despite the upheaval. Good co-parenting isn’t just a buzzword — it can genuinely make a difference to your children’s well-being and the court’s view of your parenting.
- Pay What You Owe on Time
Child support isn’t optional — it’s a court order. Missing payments can seriously hurt your case. Think of it like paying your wine cellar’s heating bill: not glamorous, but absolutely necessary. Staying current shows responsibility and respect for the legal process.
- Change Your Passwords
This is less about secrecy and more about protecting yourself. You don’t want your soon-to-be ex browsing your emails or social media to find something that might be twisted out of context. It’s a small, smart step to keep your private information safe.
- Be Honest and Transparent
This might be the hardest, but hiding assets or lying only makes things worse. It’s like trying to hide a cork in a glass of wine — eventually, it’ll be noticed, and you’ll lose credibility. Transparency builds trust and smooths negotiations, potentially saving time and money.
- Maintain Respectful Communication and Co-Parenting
This doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your ex, but keeping communication respectful, especially around kids, is crucial. No need to serve emotional vinegar when cordiality is available. Courts pay attention to who’s willing to co-parent maturely — and it can influence custody and visitation decisions.
The Don’t List: What Will Sink Your Divorce Ship
Some moves can tank your chances of a peaceful, fair divorce or just make the whole thing messier. Avoid these pitfalls like spilled wine on a white sofa.
- Don’t Post Anything That Can Be Used Against You
Social media is like a witness in your case — it doesn’t forget. Rants, angry posts, or photos showing you partying hard will only give your attorney and the court ammo. Even posts that seem harmless, like vacation photos or new purchases, can be taken the wrong way.
- Don’t Use Your Kids as Messengers
As tempting as it might be to ask your child to pass a message or play mediator, resist. Kids should be shielded from adult conflicts, not pulled into the middle. This can cause emotional harm and complicate custody arrangements.
- Don’t Keep Secrets from Your Lawyer
You hired a trusted advisor for a reason — use them. Hiding details or financial info is like driving through fog without headlights: your attorney can’t navigate your case effectively without the full picture. Full disclosure leads to better strategies and stronger outcomes. Failing to be completely truthful can create a tough, no-win scenario for both your attorney and yourself.
- Don’t Buy Big-Ticket Items or Real Estate
This isn’t the time to splash out on a new car or house. Large purchases can complicate asset division and may even raise eyebrows with the court. You could be accused of trying to hide assets or acting irresponsibly.
- Don’t Sell Property Without Permission
Selling shared property without a court’s okay can be considered bad faith and lead to penalties. It can even delay your case, adding more stress and expense.
- Don’t Send Angry Emails or Texts
Sure, you want to vent, but written negativity can be used against you in court. Keep your communications factual and polite — or better yet, stick to verbal or attorney-mediated exchanges. Remember, emails and texts are permanent records.
- Don’t Start a New Relationship Publicly
Even if you’re ready to move on, flaunting a new romance during proceedings can make you look insensitive or distract from the matter at hand. It’s best to keep new relationships private until your case is resolved.
- Don’t Criticize Your Spouse in Front of the Kids or in Court
Keep the kids out of the crossfire. Criticism only stokes tension and can negatively affect custody outcomes. The court wants to see parents who prioritize their children’s emotional health.
- Don’t Move Out of State or Change Your Child’s School Without Agreement
This can complicate custody and visitation dramatically and may not be allowed without court approval. It could delay your case or force a costly legal battle.
- Don’t Increase Your Debt
Maxing out credit cards or racking up loans might feel like relief at the moment, but it can be seen as irresponsible and affect financial settlements. This can work against you in court and add unnecessary stress.
Why These Tips Matter: What We In Wine Country Understand
In a place known for good wine and good views, divorce still comes with hard choices and high stakes. Handling a divorce well is a lot like managing fine wine. Just like wine needs the right conditions and careful attention to reach its full potential, your divorce requires patience, thoughtful decisions, and good timing. Knowing when to act—and when to hold back—can make all the difference in achieving the best possible outcome. Taking these simple steps will not only save you stress but can also keep your divorce from turning into a bitter feud. Your goal isn’t just to end a marriage but to start a new chapter with as little damage as possible — especially if kids and shared assets are involved.
Stay Calm and Carry On
Divorce is challenging enough without making it harder on yourself. Follow these do’s and don’ts to keep your case steady and your peace of mind intact. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, Wine Country Family Law, P.C. is here to help. Our knowledgeable team understands Northern California family law and will support you through every step with clear guidance and genuine care.
Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward your new beginning.
